Agent Clarice Starling (Jodie Foster) is a wicked smart FBI trainee pulled from the FBI Academy by Senior Agent Jack Crawford (Scott Glenn) to interview the notorious psychiatrist and part-time cannibal Dr. Hannibal Lecter (Anthony Hopkins). Why? Because there is equally gruesome, but less adept, serial killer called Buffalo Bill (Ted Levine) on the loose who likes to skin plus size women in order to wear their skin and become a woman himself. It seems old Buffalo Bill was turned down for a sex change operation and decided to do it himself on the cheap. He spends his time wearing dresses and dancing in the mirror practicing the worst porn movie lines ever. “Call me Meso. Meso what? Me so horny. Love you long time.”
Agent Starling (I guess Will Graham was too busy)goes to interview Lecter at the Baltimore State Hospital for the Criminally Insane where she meets the head doctor Dr. Frederick Chilton (Anthony Heald) who doesn’t take her seriously and hits on her, “hey, shorty, whassup? I don’t get out much and I’m kind of a dick so let’s hook up later.” Startling gives him the look that says call my fake number later. Starling is led to Lecter’s cell which looks like a cave. Why? Because where else would you keep batshit crazy cannibals but in a bat cave. Duh!
Lecter sees Starling and thinks to himself, “Damn! you are a hottie. When I get out of the joint how about we make a sex tape and get famous.” Starling tries to get into Lecter’s head like he’s some kind of amateur batshit crazy psychiatrist and he brushes her off like a fly on a plate of fava beans. She leaves but not before another crazy makes like a zoo monkey and flicks his man spunk on her face. Bad move because Hannibal (I’m in love with a stripper) the Cannibal is pissed and Mr. Man Spunk Tosser ends up eating his own tongue. Lecter calls Starling back and says, “My bad. Do what I say and we’ll both win Oscars.” Starling says, “Eat me.” Lecter says, “Next movie.”
Meanwhile, Buffalo (I like big butts) Bill kidnaps a senator’s daughter who should know better than to talk to strangers. He puts her in a dungeon of his own and puts her on a Jenny Craig diet. “It rubs the lotion on its skin.” Shut up you sick bastard! You’re creeping me out!
Crawford tells Starling to tell Lecter he can have anything he wants if he helps find the senator’s daughter. Now that there is an “important” victim, the FBI is all, “whatever it takes.” Lecter tells Starling, “Quid pro quo.” Starling says, “I don’t eat seafood. I like lamb.” So she tells him about the lambs and why they won’t keep quiet in her head. (That’s where the title comes from). Lecter tells Starling she’s one bottle of Chianti away from being batshit crazy too. (Not really, but if would have been cool if he had.)
They move Lecter to a special cell (bad idea) in a Tennessee courthouse. Lecter kills the two guards and escapes and disappears. Starling analyzes some notes Lecter gives her and shama-lama-ding-dong she's hot on the trail of Buffalo Bill. Turns out Buffalo Bill has an MFA in design with an emphasis in skinning large women to use for clothing. Paris isn’t calling. Starling tracks Bill down while the rest of the FBI is off on a wild goose chase. What happens next? Does she catch her psycho? Does Lecter get away? Does he give up psychiatry and become a contestant of Iron Chef? Does Starling get a reality show called Cannibals Love Me?
READ THE DAMNED BOOK OR SEE THE MOVIE. Don’t be lazy.
You won’t be disappointed.
“Goodbye, Clarice.”
I love your take on this movie! I especially like your assessment of Clarice and how dangerously close she could have been to crossing that thin line to crazy. I thought listening to the sounds of lambs being slaughtered and pushing yourself to live up to the heroic standards set by your father would be a prescription to Crazyville, too. I wondered if that's why she worked so well with Lecter. Birds of a feather and all that.
ReplyDeleteGreat post.